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| Blogs > bebong2005 > MY OWN PRIVATE IDAHO |
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one down... My cousins a(we)re all possessed. Let me tell you why. It started when I (as far as I can remember) was about seven years old. For those who read my earlier ramblings, they know that I belong to a family of proud gypsies; and what gypsies do? Yes, they roam around. During one of those senseless dwellings, my tyrannical father decided to do some (un)necessary stop at some unknown place where his older brother lived. I don’t know anymore how we get there, all I can recall was after waiting for a long time, we rode a boat and we’re there. No, the place wasn’t by the seaside. It was located few kilometres further up the mountains. The house itself was perched half way down the slope between the peak and a very big river with very fast current and boulders so huge I could imagine myself splattering against them if I lost my footing. If I’m going to see the place again at this time of my life, I would probably find it exciting and romantic, but not that time. The reason was probably because I was a snob (yes, it exists also between poor) I don’t want to share a quarter with anyone let alone those bunch of hillbillies I’ve never seen before. They ha(ve)d totally another ways of everything. (Yeah they can settle in one place a lot longer than we could) plus they don’t have a mother. And if they had, for sure not one who can recite works of Edgar Allan Poe, or can tell the tales of Alexander the great, Genghis Khan, Jason and the Argonauts and so on as bedtime stories. They can hardly read. I learned to read and write even before I attend kindergarten. I never felt a connection with any of them from both sides then and now. I particularly dislike the eldest of the house. He’s a brassy good looking lad of an unknown age who can make me feel dirty with just one look. He called me his missus when no one is around (and he continues to do so for so many years to come including last year. I will get into that later) he makes my skin crawl. I wish that my father would come back soon and get us out of there. Which he did but not soon enough. I remember that afternoon clearly. I was napping on a bamboo bed somewhere inside the house when my cousin came in smiling; he brought a blanket with him. I was paralysed I can’t move! Not even when he draped it over me and crawl under the sheet to share the bed. Then he proceeds by putting his hand over my “hill” and slowly massages the area, all the time whispering in my ear “don’t you dare to tell!” The world inside the house stood still but outside I hear the rest of the family (including my father) talking to each other. Life goes on. I don’t know anymore what happened next. Maybe somebody came in, or something must interrupt him for he stopped. I remember feeling so dirty and confused I ran outside the house screaming banging my head against a coconut tree. He told everybody I had had a bad dream. He continued trying to I don’t- know- what even after we had our own place somewhere far but apparently not far enough. He used to visit and stayed longer under the pretence of helping my father around the fishpond. He even brought his brother with him whom like his pervert sibling did also try to I don’t ‒know- what. But this one didn’t touch me. He just cried his feelings for me over and over again with so much remorse I almost pity him. I have no idea if my father did notice something, all I know is they been sent packing one day and I never seen them again. Except last year when I was in vacation and the post office accidentally sent my important mail to their address thinking it’s the right one. After all, we still carrying the same surname and I have no idea they moved into town. If the mail wasn’t the immigration papers of my mother, I would not go to their place, so he may never have the chance to try again what it is he was trying for the past decades. But this time, I am not a frightened little girl anymore. I put him on his place right there and then in my own usual way, in a tender manner with a lot of tact ha ha. Maybe it meant to happen, so I can get rid of the ghost once and for all. One down, millions more to go. There is one cousin’s incident though I cannot set right no matter how much as I wanted to. It happened when I was a sophomore. My cousin ( of my father’s sister) gets me from school with his tricycle which was on its own not strange, only he never did it before. He said my father asked him to do it because it was raining. He didn’t bring me straight home but drove to an empty gym where he was teaching karate during the day. He locked me in one of the room and tried to crawl on top of me. I know he would not hurt me that much; you won’t kill a relative that easily would you? So, I shouted the whole place down, he got scared and brought me home. I told my father even though I was frightened a family duel would occur. You see, my father was a black belter and teaching too. But nothing really happened. Aside from few kicks and bodies flying backwards, there was no one who was seriously harmed. My cousin died few years back before I can see him again. Someone poisoned him by mixing grounded glass with his gin during one of those drinking sessions. I don’t know if I can call it justice. That’s the end of my escapades with my cousins from my father sides but not from my mothers. But I’ll save it for another blog; this one is long enough as it is. Besides, that is totally different story all together. I might tell it one of these days.  ~ Jolielaide  |
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in our culture, we simply do not tolerate something like that it is consider an inc-est i probably have more trauma from the experience more than i care to admit there are other people who don't belong to one's family tree for one to experiment if one insists i know, i know as one of my uncle said to his mother all those holy men in the bible who had multiple wives that belong to the same clan... just to think of it makes my skin crawl in my eyes, it's wrong ~ Jolielaide
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 hhhmmmmits nice to be important but its more important to be nice
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i have nothing against anybody's skeleton my own closet being perpetually open i never prejudice never been judgemental to EACH his OWN you never ruined nobody's appetite as far as i'm concerned when i said "just to think of it makes my skin crawl" i was refering to my own experience and i'm being serious ~ Jolielaide
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hhhmmmmhow's life over there ~ Jolielaide
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lucky lucky you i'm dreaming of a platonic friend/relationship with someone from the opposite $ex ~ Jolielaide
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indeed ~ Jolielaide
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4/23/2009 11:50 am |
wooo really? Sorry to go back on this post. But I was looking to read someone's particular comments on blogs which lead me to this. I started reading this post ages one day. Meant to come back, but forgot...until today when I have time to read it thoroughly. Your story about your family reminds me of my own upbringing. I'd definitely consider myself as a traveller. Don't really know quite exactly where I belong because mom and I moved around so much while we were in the Philippines....A momma/tatay's girl. Look where it got us today. Some place abroad where I didn't even know existed. Where I grew up in PI that's the only place I knew that was real as far I was concerned in the past. Places I've heard of abroad was literally foreign to me and plus imaginary because I've never been abroad before until we immigrated. Moving abroad wasn't part of my dream, but I went where nanay needed me.    within each one of us, and let it begin with me (and each one of us)..one breath at a time.
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4/23/2009 12:13 pm |
I'm the eldest and possibly shortest of my immediate cousins. Some time ago I made a comment about a boy during my childhood that I met and we were acting as if we were dating as a gf and bf. Not sure if he was my distant cousin. However, I wouldn't be surprised if he's a distant cousin because as you know population control in Pinas isn't practised effectively so we tend to have a huge amount of relatives derived from big families. During my numerous vacations to spend time with my lolo and lola, my lolo and I came back a few times to stay over at this boy's house The reason why we normally stay at a particular person's house is because we are a relation. One vague memory I have that sort of troubles me until today is one of my encounter with a tito. He is still a bachelor until this day. It bothers me whether I made up this memory that I don't want to remember in detail or I wanted to repress it because it made me feel disgusted of what might have happened. Nothing too serious (I mean thankfully he didn't go near the more private part), but I know it wasn't what titos are meant to be doing when alone with a kid. Same goes for an old man whom I regarded as a father figure that I respected. He used to be quite touchy feely too, so I used to sit at a distance away from him while I kept him company because he was lonely and no one else had the patience for him. Despite his creepy moments, he was otherwise a noble man. within each one of us, and let it begin with me (and each one of us)..one breath at a time.
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wooo really? Sorry to go back on this post. But I was looking to read someone's particular comments on blogs which lead me to this. I started reading this post ages one day. Meant to come back, but forgot...until today when I have time to read it thoroughly. Your story about your family reminds me of my own upbringing. I'd definitely consider myself as a traveller. Don't really know quite exactly where I belong because mom and I moved around so much while we were in the Philippines....A momma/tatay's girl. Look where it got us today. Some place abroad where I didn't even know existed. Where I grew up in PI that's the only place I knew that was real as far I was concerned in the past. Places I've heard of abroad was literally foreign to me and plus imaginary because I've never been abroad before until we immigrated. Moving abroad wasn't part of my dream, but I went where nanay needed me. ~ Jolielaide
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i'm familiar with abroad stories even then. for our relatives from my mother's side are all working abroad. most of her brothers are either contractors or engineers. and the sisters are working domestics or health sector. ~ Jolielaide
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I'm the eldest and possibly shortest of my immediate cousins. Some time ago I made a comment about a boy during my childhood that I met and we were acting as if we were dating as a gf and bf. Not sure if he was my distant cousin. However, I wouldn't be surprised if he's a distant cousin because as you know population control in Pinas isn't practised effectively so we tend to have a huge amount of relatives derived from big families. During my numerous vacations to spend time with my lolo and lola, my lolo and I came back a few times to stay over at this boy's house The reason why we normally stay at a particular person's house is because we are a relation. One vague memory I have that sort of troubles me until today is one of my encounter with a tito. He is still a bachelor until this day. It bothers me whether I made up this memory that I don't want to remember in detail or I wanted to repress it because it made me feel disgusted of what might have happened. Nothing too serious (I mean thankfully he didn't go near the more private part), but I know it wasn't what titos are meant to be doing when alone with a kid. Same goes for an old man whom I regarded as a father figure that I respected. He used to be quite touchy feely too, so I used to sit at a distance away from him while I kept him company because he was lonely and no one else had the patience for him. Despite his creepy moments, he was otherwise a noble man. his is a noble kind of love. no touching, no grabbing. he never stay inside when the two of us were alone in the house. too tempting he said. his feelings i saw in his eyes written all over his face very very wonderful man ~ Jolielaide
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there was also an old man in my life story he was a neigbour and a father of the boy who was courting me one night when my parents are at it again i ran to their house to cry he made me sit on his kness and started massaging my back then he proceeded on my chest to loosen my breath he said then the massage became wrong i feel i don't know why but it feels wrong i left quickly ~ Jolielaide
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there are some similarites with our experiences. maybe that's why you keep reading my blog ~ Jolielaide
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