Advice please for men
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It might help to have a specific list of the woman you're looking for. If you don't sit down and give it a deep thought, how else are you going to know what you're ready to put up with or what you won't tolerate in a relationship until you do this?? If you want, use your blog and invite women to meet you in person. To begin with, single guys need to go on a date, several dates in fact before you can develop any relationship with a woman. Date one woman at a time if you can help it. Unless you can go on a speed date where you get to meet different women and you pick a selected few out of the bunch and go on a date at different times with each woman. After each woman decides whether they want more future dates, choose who you'd like to be with more after at least a few dates. Don't mess around with anyone's heart. You'll only cause trouble for yourself and it isn't right to do it especially if you're wishing a mate for life. You aren't going to have one nor keep a woman until you get your act together and treat a woman right. During dates, don't be easily fooled by how she physically looks whether she's sexy or pretty. You know how shallow this is. Eye candy sure, but think about how much easier it might be for her to sweet talk you and fool you to part with your money or anything else for this matter. But of course if she happens to be good looking and other things too that you like then it's a huge bonus. Be sure she's single first and she's searching for the same type of relationship as what you're looking for eg. serious relationship that you hope will last long enough to consider her as a potential wife. If you date a woman who isn't single, you'll only find yourself in a heap of trouble. She could only want you for your money, she'll empty your pockets as a way out of her personal or her family problems or both, if you allow this to happen and tolerate it; her problems will eventually follow her and cause havoc in your life. Thus, use common sense and be street smart about anyone you meet. Once you know she's single, be yourself by not trying too hard to impress her, don't make anything up that you are not and don't come on too strong too soon like be vulgar. ___------Blank until further notice.  Don't give any money away more than necessary. I mean don't be giving any money if she asks you upfront about it for eg. she wants money to buy something for herself and her family. That's crazy, you should be the one offering her gifts that you're fully and ready pay for and she shouldn't be asking and using your money to buy things for herself. Only offer to pay your dates together. You aren't obliged to pay for much more. Be a genuine and sincere gentleman. Being a gentleman involves not bossing her around and controlling her like a puppet and don't be inappropriately physically aggressive. Besides if you are like this, you're better staying away from being in a relationship until you've learned to control your problem. Please treat her as a lady. When you've established good communication, try to earn her trust by not lying to her about your feelings or anything else. If you don't feel the same way about her, don't pretend to like her any more than a friend. When and if you've decided to be with one particular woman, set your eyes only on her and treat her special like she's the only woman for you in this world. It is off putting when a woman knows that a man's eyes keeps lingering somewhere else to other women around the room. Try to control your manly instinct or urges to do so. Don't only do this, while you're with her, try to do it more often that it becomes a natural thing for you to everyday. Besides once and if you do fall in love, you shouldn't have to keep looking and lusting after other women when she's the special woman for you. You don't even have to fall in love, if you really care for her, you’ll avoid hurting her feelings. You're welcome to add, scrutinize or offer another opinion on this.   
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11/5/2009 3:16 pm |
A quick thought on the matter because I've a monthly headache right now, I'm finding it hard a little concentrate. I'll perhaps further elaborate on certain issues later when my head clears up and my internet stops slowing down. I'm basing this answer from my experiences and other people's experience and mistakes whom I've known for a long time. I've never been totally comfortable giving advice on matters of the heart and relationships. For a start, each person have their own set of ideals and what matters to them, what I think and how I approach romantic relationships will not necessarily be effective for someone else. For instance, some enter relationships to answer someone else's practical and financial needs, others place a great importance on love and respect and others want only to play games and fool around for a while etc. This year, there's a trend amongst the single guys I know in virtual and in real life, they've been coming to ask for advice. It's quite hard for me to know exactly what to say. I don't have an expert's answer. I go by what my mind and heart tells me to advice them.
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 11/5/2009 9:15 pm |
It's complicated for sure....open your heart, open your mind....and try not to let shyness prevent your oppurtunities.
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11/6/2009 12:50 am |
this is nice jane...  I like best the advice about how to be true gentlemen. A true gentleman knows how to treat and come across to women right, both in words and deeds. If you come across as arrogant, and trying so hard to be high and mighty.... sometimes, no matter how attractive a man is, it lessens what we see with our eyes and what we feel in our hearts.     
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11/6/2009 11:53 am |
what else would women like? The moon on a stick possibly? and there was me thinking relationships were 50/50
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11/7/2009 1:23 am |
Nice advice Jane, thank you for bringing this up. the problem is however, that it can safely and slowly get to the goal of finding the right one ... local. You meet somebody online and it can be for both parties a different "game". My opinion is NOT to fall in love to an online friend. At least not any more for me, I got burned twice already  And if that or those potential bf/gf live on other part of the world the timing of free time for chat is also a problem.
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11/7/2009 1:55 am |
Janey, this just doesn't solely applies to men. But, also good avice for women. the last part kinda pertain to my situation w/ a past love. Eyeing all the other women in the room, etc. No one should ever put up with. Respect is the key. Being with someone is very special. It shows you want to be w/ solely that one person and ready to give all your attention and love... thanks for sharing this wonderful post. Have a terrific weekend. Muahsss and hugs 'te
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11/7/2009 2:24 am |
very very sound advice! for both sexes i would say 
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11/7/2009 4:21 pm |
Guilty as charged on all the above, and doing fine, thanks  It sounds corny but I think you just have to be yourself to develop a meaningful relationship  I mean REALLY be yourself.Maturity and confidence helps but also a degree of common sense and experience counts too.
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11/7/2009 4:55 pm |
It's complicated for sure....open your heart, open your mind....and try not to let shyness prevent your oppurtunities.  Steve, nice to see you back here.  Hallelujah, thanks for confirming it's indeed a very tricky situation.There are so many factors to consider, several scenarios and alternate stories. For instance, people have different definitions of what they consider as a relationship. I'd have to say I do regard some online friends as friends even though I've never met them in real life and flesh. However, it doesn't mean that if I met them in real life that it would be any more different, worst or perhaps even greater than online experience. One thing I know for sure is I've met an online friend who's also a very good friend in real life. I'm very grateful I've made the right choice in friend and what happened in virtual world can actually transfer to real life. Some value their mind more important than following their heart because in the past opening their heart betrayed them. I don't really believe there is a huge difference between men and women when shyness is a problem for both.
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11/7/2009 4:59 pm |
this is nice jane... I like best the advice about how to be true gentlemen. A true gentleman knows how to treat and come across to women right, both in words and deeds. If you come across as arrogant, and trying so hard to be high and mighty.... sometimes, no matter how attractive a man is, it lessens what we see with our eyes and what we feel in our hearts. ...'If you come across as arrogant, and trying so hard to be high and mighty.... sometimes, no matter how attractive a man is, it lessens what we see with our eyes and what we feel in our hearts.'.... This behaviour is discouraging for many. However, there are some exceptional women who will not mind such behaviour. I totally agree that there is always an exception to the rule. Obviously not everybody is the same.
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11/7/2009 5:14 pm |
what else would women like? The moon on a stick possibly? and there was me thinking relationships were 50/50 It would be nice if you could consider the context of why this blog was written. The first time I saw you comment back on me was when I tutted at men behaving in a typical way. When I say typical, I mean men who pertain to a certain type and clearly I don't mean every guy. ....'The moon on a stick possibly?'.... Yes modern women can expect a lot from men I'd have to admit and at times it's embarrassing. Hence, why men nowadays are intimidated to approach women who are highly successful. With equal opportunities and rights available, it has in effect left men in an uncertain situation in what role they should take when women can do now what they can do too, if not better. When I wrote this blog, I had in mind about the fact that shy types of guys or guys who aren't shy, but having trouble keeping women have approached me for advice. I'm sorry it sounds biased towards women and sounds very demanding. Yet you've to consider that men too are demanding in other ways, sometimes more subtle or not than women's demands such as how she should physically look and behave and how she care for the house and kids. Sorry for the lecture. Thanks for dropping and may peace be with you this blessed Sunday.
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11/7/2009 5:28 pm |
Nice advice Jane, thank you for bringing this up. the problem is however, that it can safely and slowly get to the goal of finding the right one ... local. You meet somebody online and it can be for both parties a different "game". My opinion is NOT to fall in love to an online friend. At least not any more for me, I got burned twice already And if that or those potential bf/gf live on other part of the world the timing of free time for chat is also a problem. Different intentions and at times hidden intentions. Easier to conceal these intentions and purposes when you don't have much interaction with virtual relationships in real life. Well sometimes, it can't be help if you fall in love with an online "friend", we're only human after all who are often at times social creatures in need of company and comfort. Furthermore, it's best if you meet the online personality that you've been communicating with in real world to check for sure what's really behind the online persona, if it adds up for real or it's partially made up or completely false. Fellow blogger Ms. Namelessfaceless also made a point of meeting your online correspondent within a year or so in her long distance relationship post. Cheers for your further elaboration.  And again, I'm sad to hear about what happened to you, which I didn't know about until now. Do take care, real good care. It is very painful to get burnt too many times, it could leave you desensitized and turn your heart into stone.
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11/7/2009 5:39 pm |
Janey, this just doesn't solely applies to men. But, also good avice for women. the last part kinda pertain to my situation w/ a past love. Eyeing all the other women in the room, etc. No one should ever put up with. Respect is the key. Being with someone is very special. It shows you want to be w/ solely that one person and ready to give all your attention and love... thanks for sharing this wonderful post. Have a terrific weekend. Muahsss and hugs 'teI really do hope you won't meet any more guys who'll only play with your heart and you'll remember to watch out for signs for philandering men. I pray for your real love and happiness.  How's your weekend? How's your health? --------------------------------- Yes women should be careful too. For the sole purpose of this blog Ate Tess, I was hoping men and women could give more advice like Steve did and friend Darko did, advice in particular for men who are finding it very difficult to approach women or keep women who are truly interested in who they are as a person-boyfriend-and potential husband and not plainly what they could offer in material wealth or otherwise.
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11/7/2009 5:41 pm |
very very sound advice! for both sexes i would say I sure hope it applies to both men and women. I did however address to men in particular as mentioned above because of the reason from the comment I gave right after the blog post.
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11/7/2009 5:58 pm |
Guilty as charged on all the above, and doing fine, thanks It sounds corny but I think you just have to be yourself to develop a meaningful relationship I mean REALLY be yourself.Maturity and confidence helps but also a degree of common sense and experience counts too.  I agree with what you said because I said the same thing to a male acquaintance who has been meeting a few women he has been interacting with from the internet on dates. I added to this, talk to a new woman and picture himself as if he was only talking to a friend, not necessarily like a best friend, a friend nonetheless to help him calm his nerves. Besides, what's the point if you can't try to be yourself with this new person, how could you possibly be accepted for who you really are if you will not open up or show it to anyone? Thanks so much Sam and Steve for truly understanding what I'm trying to get across this blog (written in a haste), by actually adding your own manly advice.  It helps me personally to follow my instinct and gut feeling about certain situations and whether people are genuine or not at all. ..'Maturity and confidence helps but also a degree of common sense and experience counts too.'.... Great advice thanks. No wonder you're doing fine, despite any hiccups. You always seem to know the right things to say. Wish you would write your own version of Dear, Sam.....please advice us on blah blah and you'll help steer them in the right direction. LOL
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11/8/2009 4:43 am |
hmmm... we'll never never really know what's in store for us men and women, in a relationship  ...guess all we gotta do is...be ready for the consequences of all our actions...loving is a nice and fulfilling feeling but...somehow, somewhere, someone is gonna get hurt ...no thing's and no one's perfect ...whatever advices, precautions and the likes we do...it'll still be a 'make or break' relationship put this in our mind, "stop expecting IT to look like what we thought IT would look like" ...we'll just get disappointed ...easy to say, hard to do, but we can do it!... !don't stop loving ...no matter what  i'm like a bird!
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11/8/2009 8:09 am |
so do i have the wrong end of the stick just because I don't agree with you? You speak of womans independence and then talk about how a guy should have money and support the woman.I would love to be able to go out to work and support my wife enough so that she could stay home and not work,but in this day and age I do not think this this is possible. As for men putting pressure about a womans looks.I would say most of this is usually done by the woman herself or by other womens views.Womens magazines anyone?? Most men are pretty simple and easily pleased.They just want a good partner. But if you don't like me commenting please feel free to bar me from your blogs
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11/8/2009 12:22 pm |
just because I disagree with you does it mean i have the wrong end of the stick? The best relationship is a partnership where you are there for each other.Men are not so obsessed in looks as you seem to think.There has to be some attraction of course like how they carry themselves and personality As for money and social standing does it really matter if you care for someone that much.If so it says more about yourself than the other person. Thank you for agreeing with me about some women being very demanding.Am sure it makes some guys afraid of romance. If i offend you excuse me but i would choose someone who I care about than what they are
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11/8/2009 9:08 pm |
sorry re posted thought the first mesage did not get through
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11/9/2009 6:49 am |
so do i have the wrong end of the stick just because I don't agree with you? You speak of womans independence and then talk about how a guy should have money and support the woman.I would love to be able to go out to work and support my wife enough so that she could stay home and not work,but in this day and age I do not think this this is possible. As for men putting pressure about a womans looks.I would say most of this is usually done by the woman herself or by other womens views.Womens magazines anyone?? Most men are pretty simple and easily pleased.They just want a good partner. But if you don't like me commenting please feel free to bar me from your blogs It has always been a man's world and it's still very much a man's world with women working with them, so men put the pressure first on how women should look. Just look at how much literature are written by men, portraying females as the object of gaze. Only in the last few decades that this has gradually changed. ....'thinking relationships were 50/50.'.... Nice in theory, harder to produce in reality. The pointers I gave isn't about whether a man is in a relationship already. He still has to find a date in order to get into a relationship and choose his partner wisely. Yes most men are quite easy to please as long as he has a good partner, but he has to be careful not to choose the wrong one who'll only take him for a ride.
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11/9/2009 7:04 am |
just because I disagree with you does it mean i have the wrong end of the stick? The best relationship is a partnership where you are there for each other.Men are not so obsessed in looks as you seem to think.There has to be some attraction of course like how they carry themselves and personality As for money and social standing does it really matter if you care for someone that much.If so it says more about yourself than the other person. Thank you for agreeing with me about some women being very demanding.Am sure it makes some guys afraid of romance. If i offend you excuse me but i would choose someone who I care about than what they are Social standing and money is something that I don't care for personally myself, otherwise I wouldn't be with my partner. I stand by my view on how women's looks matter to guys. Only a few rare breed would look pass beyond the outside. Funny thing is both men and women are afraid of each other for many reasons, mainly for fear of rejection, pride and difficulty trusting again after many times that they've been hurt.
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11/9/2009 7:16 am |
talking about stick maybe i'll prefer... jalapeño on the stick at least he's on the stick and... has a stick?   kurne  >>>pls. watch jeff dunham >>>peanuts and jalapeÑo...on the stick <<< i'm like a bird!
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11/9/2009 7:22 am |
sorry re posted thought the first mesage did not get through We just seem to be not on the same wavelength. I don't bar anyone who has said what you've said because you haven't been rude. As I've previously mentioned you made a fair criticism. You're entitled to your view and I am to mine. You're welcome to back and disagree if you wish to come back.
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11/9/2009 7:28 am |
hmmm... we'll never never really know what's in store for us men and women, in a relationship ...guess all we gotta do is...be ready for the consequences of all our actions...loving is a nice and fulfilling feeling but...somehow, somewhere, someone is gonna get hurt ...no thing's and no one's perfect...whatever advices, precautions and the likes we do...it'll still be a 'make or break' relationshipput this in our mind, "stop expecting IT to look like what we thought IT would look like" ...we'll just get disappointed ...easy to say, hard to do, but we can do it!...!don't stop loving ...no matter what Never mind whether a relationship will last, these single guys still have to make the steps towards getting a gf, hopefully one who will not take advantage of them. "Don't stop loving"...just because you've been hurt.
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11/9/2009 10:59 am |
I agree,I think we are on a different wavelength. I did read it correctly even though you keep on insisting I did not. Or do you know my own mind better than me? this is the part i was refering to "Not every woman wants a man who has plenty of cash, although it's advantageous. However, you're more likely single for some time because you aren't a rich guy. Remember, a woman these days earns her own money too. Although, she wants to know for sure if you earn a decent living, in order for you to show her that you can provide enough money to support her, live by and survive each day together." So the woman can retire early while the man keeps on working?At what age should I start supporting her?"Remember,a women these days owns her own cash too!" So I will be lonely for a while because I am not driving round in a porsche or wearing flash suits?I have faith in people and don't believe they are that shallow.In fact I know many guys who are not rich but it does not affect them getting dates still think its women who are putting a lot of the presure on other women to look like a model.The most scathing comments I have heard about women usually come from other women. That is why I made my first comment,the rest of the article I pretty much agree with but it should be advice for relationships not just for men because there are con men as well as con women
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11/9/2009 2:30 pm |
Oh and just want to say thanks for such an interesting topic,you have certainly got me writing passionately. In dating you have to choose very carefully so its always good to hear advice. Everyone has someone for them,you just have to keep looking
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11/11/2009 11:46 am |
I agree,I think we are on a different wavelength. I did read it correctly even though you keep on insisting I did not. Or do you know my own mind better than me? this is the part i was refering to "Not every woman wants a man who has plenty of cash, although it's advantageous. However, you're more likely single for some time because you aren't a rich guy. Remember, a woman these days earns her own money too. Although, she wants to know for sure if you earn a decent living, in order for you to show her that you can provide enough money to support her, live by and survive each day together." So the woman can retire early while the man keeps on working?At what age should I start supporting her?"Remember,a women these days owns her own cash too!" So I will be lonely for a while because I am not driving round in a porsche or wearing flash suits?I have faith in people and don't believe they are that shallow.In fact I know many guys who are not rich but it does not affect them getting dates still think its women who are putting a lot of the presure on other women to look like a model.The most scathing comments I have heard about women usually come from other women. That is why I made my first comment,the rest of the article I pretty much agree with but it should be advice for relationships not just for men because there are con men as well as con women I will ask further questions later, but at the moment, I'm too busy. This blog was written in particular to guys I know well whom spoke about their circumstances. Single ordinary guys who want to pursue women, but don't know how. I gave possibilities of the things women could look for in a pursuer. What makes a man an attractive catch to women. These guys wanted to know from a female's perspective to advice men, not from a male's perspective. If they wanted to know from a male's perspective, they would've asked men, but they didn't. So what made them ask a woman rather than man or men? Sorry I didn't like the tone of your questions each time I've seen you comment when I was referring to other people. The tone came across as aggressive. It makes it seem like I stood on your toes personally when I wasn't referring to you or the guys you know. Perhaps it's your manly obligation to defend yourself and your fellow mankind. Apologies if you were offended. I already said I wish no ill. By what I mean by support is being the breadwinner. I didn't have any expectation of a guy driving a Porsche. Heck my bf doesn't drive a sports car. I'll further elaborate on this later. Yes, you've a point. I spent enough time with men to hear their conversations about women. My family has men, relatives, my friends and co-workers are predominantly male. When I hear them talk about women's personalities perhaps I'll believe it's the case, but what I hear is how they rate women by their looks, they hardly mention personalities. If they do, they do it in their own time, You should write about giving advice to your fellow guys.
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11/12/2009 6:37 am |
talking about stick maybe i'll prefer... jalapeño on the stick at least he's on the stick and... has a stick? kurne >>>pls. watch jeff dunham >>>peanuts and jalapeÑo...on the stick <<< Cheers for the laugh Manang Smilers. I'm glad to see you've your sense of humour always intact. Jalapeno Shtick sure spices up this blog. However, I'd no intention of pricking anyone's prick's stick. What I said came across wrong.  P.P.S- Thanks a bunch.
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11/12/2009 7:28 am |
....'That is why I made my first comment, the rest of the article I pretty much agree with but it should be advice for relationships not just for men because there are con men as well as con women.'... True, but I was at the time giving advice to men who have asked about how will they attract women rather than keep a relationship because they haven't got one yet and have been conned by women. I posted the blog to make it public. I'll consider your suggestion in the future. If you had made this comment first then it would've made more sense because you've made it clear what you're disagreeing to rather than your first comment which appears abrupt, cold and ambiguous. ...'what else would women like? The moon on a stick possibly?----No further wishes, hence why the advice is short and sweet. and there was me thinking relationships were 50/50'....---Not in a relationship yet, but making himself look suitable to the women he's pursuing. I'm waiting for your comeback. I've more questions for you, which I hope you can help answer since you seem to know what you're talking about.
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