On procrastinating...  

drunken_angel 5/11/2005 4:56 am Last Read: 3/5/2006 9:28 pm

I’m a born crammer. Guilty as charged. So sue me. Do not expect me to be on time, specially on really morning classes. I probably spent the first ten minutes of my first period college classes stuck on the way to school. Being nocturnal as I am, it’s really hard to get my ass to school, specially on 7am classes this sem. And another thing, if you’re going to ask something major from me, please don’t do it while the sun’s glaring at me. Wait until it sets, or better yet, wait some more, until the stars burst out of the night sky. And then you can start convincing me. Not that I cram all the time. Just half of it There are times when I really do try to finish things wayyy before schedule just to get them out of the way, but the thing is, when I put them alongside those I made while under pressure (err, deadlines), they seem so pale and lifeless, compared to others that are vibrant and rich. I am not giving excuses on why I some late papers, or why I cram. It’s just that I don’t believe in handing over something that’s run off the mill. I do not want my works to be just another one of those. We all know that I do not want to settle for something mediocre. The paper or whatever it is I would submit to professor bears my name. And I won’t be able to forgive myself if I did pass something that’s worth a dime a dozen. I would rather be known as the one who had a brilliant paper but passed late than someone who gets to have a move on just because s/he passed on time. No sirreee. Tardiness cannot dull or mar brilliance. (haha..egoistical biatch!!!) I stand firm when I say I’d rather have a life than a laude. Looking back, if I did pass the requirements on time, or din’t cram as much, unabashedly, I might just be graduating with one. But then, I have no regrets. None at all. And I’m happy. Because if I did, it wouldn’t have been me. There are times when I stop and some doubts set in, however. What if I don’t finish? What if the deadlines could not be stretched? What if there are no second chances? What if I am unable to deliver? But then, that’s just it. These are the risks. These risks double up the bets, upping up the antes. The pressure to deliver, is one unrelenting master. It pushes me to my limits, to excel, and to stand above the task. Not that I’m saying that for me to move, you have to pressure me. I am familiar with the word initiative, thank you There are just times, when these pressures, coupled with the risks, heighten my drive, my will to strive, and to aim for that crest. Times when I could feel it within reach, at the tips of my fingers, and I have but to close my eyes and I could almost taste sweet victory, I just have to breathe in and I could almost let triumph envelop me. Challenges are such a turn on, much like power is so seductive. Specially if you emerge victorious. Cramming is a habit that is deeply imbibed in my system. I know I would have to curb it. Heck, I plan to. But I have no plans of breaking it all together. If I did, then I wouldn’t have most of my entries here. Including this. Triumph, specially when it’s something you’ve worked hard for (err, something you’ve stayed up the previous night for), is addictive. What with going through the eye of the needle, of beating the buzzer, and then you feel the rush. The hype. Worth doing over and over, I say. You don’t always win, however, but then, every loss, is not a reason Right now there are a handful of things I have to get done. Papers, two exams to study for (gawd!), choices to make, gambles to bet on, paths to take, people to talk to, decisions to ponder on, but heck, I’m taking my own sweet time. Rushing can result to head-on collisions that can be bloody messy or produce half-baked meals (never liked ‘em raw). I’m going my own pace, like a surfer scouts for the perfect wave to ride on. I’m aware of the things I have to do. And I tell you, they will get done. I’m not procrastinating. Just waiting for the right, the absolute perfect time.